Finally have departed New Zealand, the last few days have been a bit of blur and i will explain to you the latest trangressions in traveling internationally after a pandemic.
on Thursdday the 2/6/2022 i flew from Dunedin to Chch, this is text book….get on a plane…. get off a plane ….. no dramas what so ever.
i had a small motel booked about 1.4 Km away from the the international terminal and i had a frined Dmaiean Vercoe pick me up from my 4.15 PM arrival at the dometic terminal.
we zipped around to the motel, did a bag drop and then i had my first meal outside of my low calorie low fat diet i had been on for the last 8 weeks.
i have not flown with qantas since i was a young child with mum and dad traveling to Australia for school holidays in the Naughtys of this millenium.
they have a great system with departure that texts you with your time you need to be at the airport for departure.
as we all know 2 hours before departure is SOP and with a flight path that leaves CHCH international Aiport at 0600 hours to sydney Australia….. what could possibly be hard
about that…..
well at 2100 NZT i recieve a text saying “could all Qantas passangers traveling on QF 9 to Sydney please ensure you are at the airport 3 hours before departure”
which basiclly means i have 6 hours to get back to the accomodation and atleast pretend to sleep in motel room that felt like the inside of mother hubbards cuppboard.
Damian dropped me back to the accomodation at 10PM and i made a quick cup of tea and hit the bed.
you can imagine, early flight, disruption to normal proceudre for international travel…. was i goning to get healthy REM sleep….. AHHHH NO (however i did actually end up listening
to REM on spotify for part of that restless night and atleast i can say i got some…. just not the right kind.
0200 hours
i wake up to no alaram and roll over and check my phone, basically woke up exactly when i needed to. my cab was booked for 0245 for transfer.
i did the usual morning routine of coffee and teeth and got on my way
the airport was still locked at 0255 and there were seldom very few people lined up… i would more describe it as a bunch of kids locked out of their next period class.
human behavior is facinating. everone who walked upto that glass sliding door expecting their approach to the door would magically open a locked sliidng door.
think back to high school, no matter how many people were waitning outside the class everyone new who clibled the stairway to that floor would walk upto that door and try it…regardless
of howmany people are cueing.
same principle outside an airport at 3AM oddly.
the air was crisp and it had been raining in the night, it wasnt overtly cold but when transiting to a country which was going to be considerably warmer by about 300% than your country of origin
you dont oftenly dress appropriately for departure.
check in opened for the flight at 0310 AM and there was qantas staff looking for customers departure forms called DTA (Decleration Travel Australia). this document is designed for
people traveling to AUZ and staying not transiting through the Airport onto a final destination …. hence why when the lady asked to see my copy i gave her a blank zombie infused look
and said to here that there was no notifcation by their automated system to have completed this form.
the lady asked me to stand aside and complete the form online….. and in fine australian fashion the website was down…… (dont worry my affection towards the Australians only
gets better over te course of the next 24 hours)
after 3 failed attempts to do this document i showed the checkin staff the issue and they then gave me a paper copy of the documet…… well what a waste of time the last 20 minutes were.
on top of that she then said “we dont need to see it sir its for autralia customs” ……so yes… great help from the NZ Ground crew!
everything else is normal to what you would expect.
-get tickets
-load bags on conveyor
-pass through customs
- standard racial profiling towards romanians for “drug swabbin” – standard for me
-port of exit passport scan and facial recognition - overpriced Duty free item which no one seems to buy.
the only thing really open in the airport was Duty Free and a coffee shop, i ordered my usual Large Flat white and took a seat near Departure gate 12.
i was still trying to finihs a book i had started in February called Nelson Demille – Lions Game.
Nelson Demille was , and still is a crime writer that was huge in the 90’s his writing style is similar to John Grisham but the timeline of his books is slightly more linear
than that of JG.
at 0600 boarding started for the first flight. i got on board shut my eyes and before i knew it 3 hours had passed and there was the roar of reverse thrust and someone came over
the inflight intercom “gidday mates smash a shrimp on ya Barbie we have landed in the land of Green and gold”…… not reall but they may have well said that.
now for the fun.
everyone knows the great aussie workforce policy….. 10 Managers and One worker…….. and for transit security this rings true.
as the transit passengers navigated the glass walkways and airbridges across the terminal for well over 600 Meters we all turned a corner and there was a makeshift security point.
this security point had a zig zag of about 3 rows leading upto one security system scanner and about 6 workers who had no idea about efficency.
there was one securty guard who would randomly chirp out in a South African accent
“can all passengers please take out all large electronic devices and Laptops hurry hurry we need to be faster”
what these nitwits dont understand is that the onnly place to unpack any of your gear was at the Security xray machine itself and people in line were looking like some
of the finest Sardines money could buy in the internation food department of New world.
as the cue grew longer Guido (we will call the South African man this ) he had to repeat himself…. at this point a white hair’d gentleman behind me started
making lude comments about the situation.
he was in his late 60’s White snake skin shoes, grey slacks and a denim shirt with a 2 thick gold chains, his white hair was combed back to nothing
short of what i would call a greasy car salesman from 1978.
i entertained his comments with a few of my own like “i agree, its easier to start a gang and get paid out 5 Million by the NZ govt , than go through this checkpint.
as we got closer tho and he was still preaching i decided to go back to being quiet…. i dont like being randomly screened in foreign countries with whoms
laws i dont have a clear understanding for.
as i neared my turn to start basically pulling apart my luggage and belongings for the checkpoint. some VIP citizens of islander descent were allowedto cut the
Cue. these 2 paticular individuals were wearing the finest jewlery the Australian Customs and govt could affort, each individual had 2 sets of thick beautifuly
crafter handcuffs and leg cuffs and as there hats were taken off by the deportation officials there was a barrage of curse words and slander really raising the
IQ of the local New Zealander…. now how do i know they were from NZ…. well the nice man who cut the line to allow these VIP travelers through was holding 2
Black Passports with a Silver Fern on them.
cleared customs and went upto the departure lounge.
i had a transit wait time of 4 hours here, so i settled back down in a seat to carry on my reading of Nelson Demilles lion game.
after about an hour i was feeling rather thirsty….and this is where New Zealands Clean green image really shines.
in ChCH departures, before you enter customs they ask you to tip your water bottle out in a sink once you clear customs you then walk past a water filter that cleans the rain water that falls on
the roof of the terminal and you can refil your bottle…. brilliant idea.
Australia….. no……. please pay $4.80 for a 400 ML bottle of water… or 2 for $6…. what a great way to make Trash isalnd grow bigger.
after the grumbling and groaning of having to buy water i was walking back to my seat in the departure lounge waiting for the calling of QF23 to Manila.
i walked past a very nice RADO watch display and i have been getting a number of notifications about the New RADO Titanium Captain Cook limited edition watch….
and they had it in stock in the colour i had been looking at, i got talking to the nice lady about it and decided to try it on.
she tried the old fashion pressure sell but i told her i was off to PH and wasnt interested in taking a $3900 NZD watch into hostels with me.
if she still had it upon my return i would consider it.
at 11:45 i decided to log into the Sydney airport departures website and there had been a gate change for the flight to manila, this gate was at the opposite end of the terminal which had around a 15
minute walk, i picked up my belongings and made the stroll
when i arrived at gat 6 the departure lounge was empty and as the clock drew close to 1200 hours another announcements declared that some of Austrailans finest ground
crew had decided to not put any food on the plane so there would be a 30 minute delay while sky chefs rummaged around the back cupporad for a few tins of spam
and heinz Baked beans.
eventually at 12:45 we were allowed to board. at this time my friend from the customs line …. lets call him Bill…
bill was complaining again about the delay, i said to Bill…. i hope they didnt forget the fuel it could make an intersting landing in the pacific
one of the male flight crew overheard this…. bill thought i was funny….. the flight crew…. not so much…
but as we all know australians hate when Kiwis make jokes aobut there preformance… just ask their rugby team in the world cup.
the flight departed around 1 hour late but at this stage it didnt make much difference
in an Airbus A330 there are 76 rows of seats and i decided to pre-choose roew 75…. for 2 reasons.
1- often people dont like to sit down the back casue of the inconveinace of being at the back
2- becasue of reason one… normally the baggage areas have more space and there are less people walking past you.
this worked perfectly to my plan and expectation of the flight.
as i was sitting at the back, after take off…Bill decided he would try an befriend every Philipino Lady sitting by themselves and this carried on for an hour
he was darting all over the cabin like a dog looking for a treat. im unsure why he was in this befriending zone but maybe he got his vitamins mixed up
with his Viagra back in sydney and wanted to try coherse someone to join him for the mile high club.
after around an hour 2 of the flight crew escourted bill to the front of the plane and looking up the aisle i saw the captain come out of the cockpit.
i belive there may heve been some strong words spoken to bill and when he returned they picked his bags up and shifted him to the back of the plane alone.
i like to think the conversation went along these words
Captain – sir there is only one cockpit in this tin can and its where i sit, no Bill is gonna try turn my lavatories into some seedy sex club”
Bill – understood sir, its just i took my viagra in sydney and i cant controll myself
Captain- well 2 options their bill , 1) we relocate you to a less stimulating area of the plane 2) we let manila customs deal with you upon arrival
Bill – option one sounds good captain.
naturally i think the conversation probably was alot more black and white but Bill was no longer an issue to the ladies on the plane after that.
the flight landed in manila around 1930 Local time…. turns out there requirements for entry are very simple as of 1/6/22 all i needed to provide was
- no travel insurance needed anymore
-if you have had 3 vaccinations you dont need covid departure test
-no travel plans or pre- booked accomodation required.
soooo basically my last week in dunedin sorting this out was a waste of time and money…. classic.
i got my entry visa, grabbed my bags and exited the terminal.
as i left the building a wave of sticky, smokey , warm, stale air hit my nostrills and instanly a film of sweat covered my brow, you can very quickly tell
that this country is tropical by nature.
the setting of the airport is very unkept and there are people everywhere trying to catch public transport into the city, becasue i was arriving late in the evening and with
the sun setting at 6:30 here i booked somewher close to the Airport.
the accomodation i had booked was called Bing’s Place, i hailed a cab and a guy called Ray pulled over, he was a nice enough man.
i gave him the address and we twisted our way down dark streets and the further we got…. the more uncomfortable i became
we pulled up to an address that looked like nothing short of a Meth Production lab. i looked at the photos on Booking.com…. and this place looked nothing
short of Jessie Pinkman and Walter Whites lab… i quickly cancelled the booking and too the penalty of 50% and thought….. live long and prosper captain spock
it was getting late and i looked up hotel manila airport and booked the Savoy for 2 nights at a cost of arouns 130 NZD. this will give me time to
organise myself and get bearings of what i want to acomplish here for the next 30 days.
the clock was 9:30 PM and it translated to 1:30 NZT…. i had had enough for the last 36 hours off to dream land.
Quantum Entanglement 
Sounds like you had a very loooong day!
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