Poland > Ukraine
3AM…. 2 hours sleep under my belt
5 Am….. 4 hours sleep
6.05AM….. 4 Hours sleep….
That was it… it was too hot and humid to even think about getting any more sleep and i resided to the fact that today was going to be “one of those days”….
I got up at about 7 am after talking to a few friends on facebook for a while updating them on the ins and outs of what not to do in life whilst you travel.
I looked at my days clothes on the ground next to my cot and decided that i probably needed to make a move
I had to be at the airport by 9AM for my 11.30 Flight to Kiev, so i got up and made my way swiftly down the road to the Cafe, got my Latte to take away and exited pronto, on my way back i spied this lovely old Citroen bus and decided it needed some instagram fame
I got back to the hostel at 8.20AM and told the nice lady that i was pushing on and if she could call me a cab it would be greatly appreciated.
My cab arrived at 8.30 on the dot and i loaded in, the commute to the airport takes around 30 minutes in the morning traffic, taxi’s over here get the advantage of being able to us the bus lanes so the wait for traffic wasn’t tremendous, once at the airport it was a swift transition from checkin to customs and security
I made sure that i changed all my Polish currency into Euros as it makes it easier on the international departure lounge side, the local currency’s don’t seem to have much of a chance in duty free.
Yet again my flight was delayed 45 minutes and we started boarding, as i got to the lady checking boarding passes and tickets she asked to see my return ticked, i explained that I hadn’t booked it yet and as soon as i said this it was like the airport stopped…. she yells at her college across the ticket line in polish, he yells back with the same level of aggression and I’m left standing there not knowing what’s going on….. turns out the Ukrainian government want to make sure you are going to leave there country before you arrive…. i solved this quite quickly by booking a full Flexi fare with LOT airways for the following Thursday and they allowed me to board the flight to Kiev and i breathed a sigh of relief.
As the plane took off above the clouds i had 25 pages left of my book and i took this opportunity to finish it off, as I turned the last page it was time to land, i wont explain my flight to you… its pretty simple stuff… take off, fly, bumps, land…. yes all text book kind of stuff
As I left the plane i bee Lined straight for the Customs line, the wait was about 10 minutes and i approached the counter with my cool kiwi swagger, i handed my passport to the customs officer and she starts rattling off to me in the native language, i told her I didn’t understand and she then said “visa” and i said New Zealanders can get a 90 day visitors visa at the boarder of the Ukraine…. she walked to a filing cabinet and pulled out a very old yellow sheet of paper…i presume it was white once upon a time ,she pointed to a desk crowed by about 30 people…. Arabs… Indians… Japanese and said I had to go and fill out Visa Documents. I thanked her and as i walked over i thought how hard can this be……..
Well let me tell you right now….. Ukrainian Customs processes are Fucked! And i mean FUCKED…. like MEGA FUCKED ….
there are 3 computer and you have to supply the following information
– copy of passport
– Accomodation booking
– Exit fare
– Travel insurance (which I couldn’t get with my provider)
– Offical government document
The first 3 were easy!
The last 2 were a mind fuck , I quickly got on google and found a local online insurance broker that cost about 5NZD for 50,000 Euro of medical expense cover… problem solved there.. the offical document that i had to fill in online was another story
As i looked at the cue of about 30 people i spy 3 gentlemen holding Kiwi passports, i swiftly make my way to them and in a casual kiwi accent say “ Sup Bro” and a part Maori chap turns around and says excuse me… i quickly flash my passport cover to him and he grins from ear to ear and then holds his hand out for what I would call the Bro Hand shake.
We exchange light formalities and then i drop the mother bomb of question that i had been wanting to ask for the last 5 minutes while in conversation.“what’s the easiest way through this? “… he laughs and goes mate we have been here for 2 hours and we are on our 3rd go to get visa’s… i sighed and said is there any form of process and he said yes.. pretend its a rugby scrum and that computer is the ball…. we laughed and i said… “so its Mickey Mouse” and he just goes “sure is cuz”
I waited politely for about 40 minutes and realised that a lot of the people using the computers were struggling and i offered my help to 3 gentlemen from Oman they delightfully got up from the computer and let me take control of the key board…. and its a Russian keyboard….i contemplate to myself why would you have a Russian keyboard at a computer for travellers who are not from Russia???
As i typed away I laughed to an Egyptian man beside and we took the light hearted approach towards the customs processes for Ukraine and we both agreed that it would be easier to jump the boarder illegally next time, the Ukrainian Customs offical that oversaw the computers gave us a dirty look… he obviously understands english!
After 1hr 45 minutes of Google Translate and a bit of trust to log into the emails and itinerary i had no idea who they were i had managed to get 4 Nationals from Oman through Ukrainian customs… the 4th guy magically appeared and begged for my help… it was my turn…finally to process my documents.
I don’t carry any documents with me, I have it all on my iPad so its easy to find, however this is not so appropriate for Ukraine customs. As I’m sitting there typing Ali’s and Mohammad’s documents for them i start thinking of the best way to navigate the documentation required
There are about 80 fields that need to be completed for every application and as we are working from google translate and getting the info required I realise that I can’t login into my Gmail account as it requires a PIN number from my NZ mobile number that isn’t currently in my phone and my sim is in baggage claim past customs… just the icing on the cake.
I log onto gmail and start creating a new account and i will forward all my required documents to the new address that I can then print at the public printers provided.
I Load up the Visa Login Screen for the 5th time boot up the Visa application screen… from what took 2 hours of translations and typing took me only 4 minuted to complete. I joked with the Ukrainian guard about there visa application policy and said it would be the first country that has been difficult to get into , while I’m finishing off my application the 4 men from Oman i helped out thrust be 150 USD and thanked me for my troubles i told them to keep their money and asked that all they do is “pay it forward” in future, they looked at me puzzled and all gave me a hand shake, and said ‘you very good”
I cleared customs to find no sign of my bag… it had been 3.5 hours since i had landed and they had take it to bag storage. I collected my bag and noticed my 35NZD worth of Climbing rigging system had miraculously disappeared … Wankers…. luckily i had spare set in my pack so i could suspend my bag with convenience and exit swiftly.
As i walked out of the arrivals looking extremely lost a Ukrainian man approach’s me and asks if i need a taxi, i say i do but i need a SIM card for my mobile first, he says “ i know where” and escorts me through the terminal to the local mobile provider and shortly after I’m on the grid.
He asks where i am going and i show him the address, he tells me 35 euros to town and it will be about an hour. I agree.. I’m far too tired to haggle or question weather this is right or wrong and he did help me get a mobile sim… so if he was going to make me his sex slave why would he give me mobile connection.
As we speed along the motorway in Eastern European style… well above the speed limit with crazy music playing i realise there are no taxi meters in the cab, nor are there any offical documents in the cab… i ask him how long he has been driving for and he replies 3 days. 
I did some googling in the car and it is quite common for civilians to just pick up tourists and give them a lift for some extra cash, i sit uneasy in the back thinking that I’m going to loose a kidney but he was a kind man and showed me some sights of the city along the way, Kiev is a very proud city and over the next couple of days i will explore this more.
45 minutes later we arrive at my hostel and its a classic Eastern European styled building, i press the buzzer and a voice greets me in Ukrainian and then the door opens, the hostel is relatively clean and, I’m staying in a 4 bedroom dorm. 2 of the occupants are Brazilian and one is a Japanese man who is currently studying in Texas and is over here on holiday, his name is Yu
We exchange some light words and i drop my stuff off and make a break for the nearest bar!
I am currently sitting in a bar as i write this and the cool Beer is exactly what i need after todays adventures, and with the sense of accomplishment helping some internationals clear customs i felt good about my day.
I finished my beer and made my way back to the hostel, as i strolled back i stopped at the local opera house and sat in front of it in the cool evening air, its a beautiful styled building with lovely granite seat, while i was sitting there a man walked passed who was African American, he sat down beside me, he must be late 50’s and asks what I’m doing?
He asks this cause i was sitting on this seat cross legged listening to jazz music looking rather relaxed… i don’t know if it was the alcohol but at that moment i was Zen .
I told him about my day and he laughed and said that it was his 8th time visiting the region, he works for a Private medical company in the US and they have been employed by the Ukrainian officials to start an overhaul of there medical procedures and healthcare systems.
We smoke a cigarette in the light of the opera house and make comment about the beautiful women walking past.
He glances at his watch and tells me its time for him to be off, i shake his hand and wish him all the best dealing with corrupt politicians, he smiles and says “ i might be the corrupt one” i smile and reply “maybe your the perfect man for the Job”
I pack up my belongings and start my 2KM walk back to the hostel.
As i sit a the hostel it is time to book my Chernobyl tour…. hmmm Group tour 199USD….Private 13 hour day tour….. 399USD…..well i have wanted to visit this place ever since i saw a documentary one late Thursday night when i was 14 years old when my parents were out at a concert and i watched this power plant Blow up before my eyes and the silent Killer radiation just fascinated me!
Here is a quick fun fact for you, the average person takes in around 10-3000 MicroSeiverts every year, the average smoker takes in around 50,000 MicroSeiverts a year, this is due to the fact that chemicals in the cigarette when burned are actually ionising particles, these ions of Gamma are the main causes of cancer in the human body…. fascinating really…i still feel guilty i haven’t given up smoking yet but it is in the back of my mind to do so, on Sunday during my tour i will take in about 6-9000 MicroS but it will all be worth it!
Next stop Chernobyl!
Quantum Entanglement 